Why Homeschooling Isn’t Just School at Home.
Because Homeschooling isn’t about copying school – it’s about creating something that works for your family.
A lot of times, new homeschool families feel as if they need to keep the same schedule as a public school. Start in August and end in May and if your anything like me when I first started, you have school desks for your kids. I don’t mean just a computer desk or dining room table. I mean, a legit desk that I had used when I was in public school many moons ago. No lie – I had two school desks for my pre-k kiddo and my 2 year at the time. I was copying or replicating exactly what a school day in a traditional school would have looked like. I learned real fast that my kids did not want to sit in those desks at all. Two days…… Two days is how long it took before I figured out that I had already started homeschooling out the wrong way! Usually, I wouldn’t say there is a wrong way to homeschool but this way was definitely not going to work for my kids. I talk more about that in my podcast “It’s a Beautiful Day to Homeschool”. But it was a great reminder that homeschooling is not school at home.
The Problem
The problem with trying to make your homeschool copy or replicate a traditional school often leads to burnout for parents and resistance from the kids. You have to think here, your kids are home, not in a school building but home. This is where they have a feeling of being safe, a feeling of comfort, and feeling of being able to just be themselves. So, trying to keep a more “school-like” feeling at home tends to throw off the family dynamic especially if your kids come from a traditional school. Now this may a bit different if you’re just starting out and your kids have never been in a traditional school setting.
Homeschooling isn’t about mimicking the public or private schools, it’s all about figure out your family’s rhythm and what is going to work best for you.
The Trap of “School at Home”
The Comparison Trap …
Not only do we compare our kids to other people’s kids – WHICH PLEASE DON’T DO – but we also compare our schooling to traditional schools. When I worked as a homeschool academic counselor, I heard from parents that they wish they knew a teacher or someone at the school that would give them the outline of what they were teaching the students, so their kids could learn the same thing and be on the same page. I would remind them that there is a way to do that and it’s going through a program like K12, which has the kids log in everyday and a certain time and a teacher would teach them their material. BUT….. and this is a BIG BUT….. That is NOT homeschooling. That is schooling at home. There is a difference folks. Schooling at home is just that. The kids get up and get on a computer and log in everyday Monday through Friday with other kids on there and a teacher teaches them. It’s just like traditional school but at home. If that is what you’re into or works for your family then no shame but keep in mind, that is NOT what homeschooling is.
The Difference:
There are so many differences between traditional schools and homeschooling. Homeschooling isn’t just school at home. One is grades. As homeschoolers, you may or may not give your kids grades. I personally do not unless they as for it. That may change as they reach the high school levels and that is only to help prepare them for if they decide to go to college.
Now, you may wonder – how do I even grade my homeschooling kids? The way that I look at this is:
- If you are asked, let’s say at dinner time, “what did you learn today” and they can answer without any issues or help, then A for the day!
- If you made it through the day and there was no push back or horrible attitudes, then YAY take the win – A for the day!
- If your child struggled and asked for help – A for the day!!!!! That’s a big win in my book.
You may grade your kids differently and that is just fine, but as a mom with a soon to be middle schooler and an elementary schooler, this works great for us. Again, this may change as they get older and into high school.
Another difference between traditional schools and homeschooling and this one will be depending on your state laws but NO STANDARDIZED TESTING!!! This is a big one for me. I have bad testing anxiety and I don’t want my kids to ever feel the way I did when it came to test. I could study for hours and days and walk into the class mentally prepared and then freeze and fail. It was horrible. If you asked my the questions aloud, I could answer them but for some reason have that paper in front of my stressed my out. This doesn’t mean I will never give me kids any kind of testing but I will make sure I do it in a non-stressful way.
Why Sometimes It Fails or Doesn’t Work as You Expected:
One of the biggest ways it seems to fail or not go as expected is the number of hours we are spending on school materials. If you were a public-school student like I was, you think you have to do 5 + hours of schooling each day because that’s what I had to do in public school. That is far from true though. Homeschooling hours are so much different than traditional school hours. That is because – ALL LIFE IS LEARNING and we get to use that to our advantage! Our kids may only do sit down work for 2 to 3 hours (this is for upcoming 4th and 6th grader) but the rest of the hours they earn is done by following their own interest. Whether that’s playing in instrument, playing a sport, writing their own book, starting a garden, or even taking care of animals. Let them use their imagination and creativity – IT ALL COUNTS.
Another reason why we feel like our homeschooling days are failing or not working it because tend to push our students to hurry up to get the curriculum done. What that creates is unnecessary stress and power struggles but also a child who is not understanding their material or needing additional time and not getting it. Believe it or not, most homeschool families DO NOT finish their curriculum and that is completely normal. We don’t have too; we have that freedom and flexibility to use the curriculum as a tool. Use it when we want too, stop it when we need too, and go as quick or slow as our child needs.
Move your mindset from “How do I teach this lesson?” to “How does my child learn best?”
Learn Your Family’s DNA
Identify Learning Styles: Are your kids kinesthetic, visual, or auditory? Do they thrive in burst of energy or deep, quiet focus? You can find more information about learning styles in my previous blog Finding the Right Homeschool Curriculum: A Guide for New Families.
Family Rhythms: Are your kids early risers or night owls? Will you wake your kids up every morning like a traditional school day or let them wake when they are ready. I personally let my kids wake up when they are ready. We love slow morning around here. I feel as if it makes me not feel rushed. I like to get up and enjoy some caffeine before my kids wake up. My kids tend to like to start school right after breakfast and we usually go until lunch or a little after. But that is what works for my family in this season. When it stops working, we will pivot.
Values and Goal: What matters most to your family? Would that be outdoor time, creative arts, sports, travel, community service, religion, or integration? This is one of the first questions that my husband and I discussed when we first started homeschooling. What is the reason we are homeschooling and what is most important to us for our kids to learn?
Redefine The Environment
Breaking Down the Classroom Mold:
This was huge in my house once I figured out that homeschooling wasn’t just school at home. No lie, I started with two school desks from like when I was in public school. I had put them in my spare bedroom and decorated the walls with all the preschool posters I could get my hands on. You know, like the ABC, 123, shapes, colors, etc. It looked like a picture straight out of Pinterest. I was more excited about it than the kids were. If you listened to my podcast “It’s a Beautiful Day to Homeschool“, you know this story. Take a guess on how many days we actually used that room and those desks? TWO DAYS…… TWO DAYS!!!! That’s it. My son at the time starting pre-k, was not about being stuck in a room. He wanted to play downstairs in the living room and so that’s exactly what we ended up doing. I got rid of the desks, posters and we started learning on the living room floor. You could just tell he was loving every moment of it. So, this is your friendly reminder, you don’t need a classroom at home to teach your kids. Learning can happen in the kitchen, the park, the car, and the living room.
Learning Happens Anywhere and Everywhere!
Resource Flexibility:
Sometimes moving away from boxed curriculum as the sole authority can help take some stress out of your days. Again, curriculum is a tool, not a commitment, you are not married to it. Using real-world experiences like museums, parks, nature trails, and even vacations can help get you away from the books.
Listen, I know stepping away from the books can be scary and make you think that the kids aren’t doing what they are supposed to or have you questioning that they even learned anything that day, but they did and they will. Some of my kids most exciting school moments from this past year they will tell you were out of the books. They weren’t even field trips but what they were able to discover and learn at home just from stepping away from our curriculum. We just did a study of the Titanic per their request. That lasted for over two weeks, and they LOVED every moment of it. Every documentary, book, numbers worksheets (math), and talk. It was something they chose to learn and I just followed their lead. This is how interest – led learning works. Your child has something they are curious about and we need to just follow that curiosity and give them the tools that they need. You will be surprised of how much the enjoy it, love it and remember it. Part of me thinks they love it and thrive doing it mostly because it was their idea and they know it. But I am ok with that!
The Benefits of a Custom Approach
Build deeper relationships
Did you know that if you remove the “teacher-student” dynamic in your homeschool that it fosters a stronger parent-child bond? I didn’t at first. This one took me a while to see but I am glad I did. Yes my kids right now still call me their teacher when someone asks who their teacher is (if they don’t know we homeschool) but other than that, there is no trace of a teacher anymore. You will just see a guide, leading the curiosity of her kiddos. Allowing for some amazing exploration and deep meaning, well sometimes meaningful conversations. Once I got out of the habit of “teaching” my kids and focused more on just guiding and helping them, things started running a bit smoother. They started trying to figure things out first verses coming straight to me, they even try going to each other before coming to me. They will even ask to try and find what they need or resources from the computer, library, dictionary, or educational video. It’s amazing to see their little minds just go. Allowing this to happen I feel like takes a lot of stress off of parents and also helps lower our expectations, which I believe to be one of the biggest stressors for homeschooling families.
Lean into it
So not only does getting rid of the whole “teacher-student” dynamic help spark the kid’s curiosity and possibly even remove some stress but I think it also starts them down the path of preparing for the real world. Helps them become a little self-sufficient. When this part starts happening, by golly lean into it. Let them find what they need and again just guide them in the right direction. For example, if they want to learn about the pioneers and what it was like, what kind of clothes they wear, food they ate, games they played, lean into it. Let them dress the part (finding clothes for this at thrift stores is always fun and cheap), take them to the grocery store and let them pick out items that pioneers may have eaten and let them make it for lunch or dinner one evening. It’s things like this that the kids will remember and always think back too. You don’t see kids doing this kind of stuff in public schools or at least not to the extent that most homeschool families can take it too. This is why it is so important to remember why homeschooling isn’t just school at home. Take advantage of freedom and flexibility. Show them the difference, let their learning be child-led or interest-led, guide them with their wild imaginations and curiosity.
Let the world be your classroom
3 signs that you are copying traditional school instead of homeschooling:
Use this guide to spot the “school-at-home” traps. If you check two or more boxes, it might be time to loosen the reins and redesign your approach.
1 – The School Schedule
The Traditional School Mindset: You feel guilty if learning doesn’t happen between 8:00 AM and 3:00 PM. Learning only counts during specific hours and requires a strict start/end time. You enforce sitting still for a set number of minutes per lesson. You prioritize covering the curriculum over mastering the concept.
The Homeschool Reality: Learning happens whenever curiosity strikes—whether that’s at 6:00 AM, during a grocery run at noon, or while building a fort at 7:00 PM. Children learn best in motion, lying on the floor, outside, or while fidgeting. If a child is fascinated by a topic, you dive deep for three days. If they are struggling, you pause and try a different angle tomorrow.
2 – The One Size Fits All Curriculum Trap
The Traditional School Mindset: You are trying to teach your children the exact same material at the exact same time. You assume that your 7 year old and 10 year old need to learn the same thing on the same day. Relying heavily on your single box curriculum and feel lost without a daily lesson plan and will not stray from it. You have a constant fear of your kids following behind and wonder if your kids should still be taking standardized tests to make sure they are were their classmates would be.
The Homeschool Reality: Your 7 year old might be reading advanced fiction while needing help with basic addition, while your 10 year old is the opposite. Their paths should diverge. You view your curriculum as a tool. Using books, videos, nature, games, and conversations as a “menu” of resources, picking and choosing based on the child’s current interest. You measure your child’s success by individual growth, curiosity, and mastery of life skills, regardless of what a test chart may say.
3 – The “Teacher – Student” Power Dynamic
The Traditional School Mindset: You spend more time grading, testing, right/wrong answers and correcting than you do exploring and discussing. Your kids start resisting learning and associate it with work or boring tasks. Learning is becoming a chore. If you feel like you’re teaching to your child rather than facilitating or learning alongside them.
The Homeschool Mindset: You focus on the conversation, “what if” questions, and the joy of discovery. Mistakes are viewed as learning opportunities, not failures. (No Red Pens Here) Learning is integrated into your everyday life. If you child hates math worksheets but loves baking, teach math through recipes. You are guiding them to find the answers, often saying “I don’t know, let’s figure it out together”
What to do if you are following more of a traditional school mindset?
Don’t Panic!!! Many families start with a “school at home” mindset because it’s familiar.
Here is how to pivot:
Drop the Schedule: Try a “block” system or an unschooling day once a week where there is NO agenda or make it a child-led day. Ask them, “What do you want to learn today?”
Follow the Spark: Pick one thing your child is currently obsessed with and build a whole week of learning around that, ignoring your curriculum. I promise it will be worth it!
Change the setting: Take your lessons somewhere else. Maybe to the park, the kitchen, a local museum or nature trail. Change the environment to change the mindset!
Remember: The goal isn’t to be a better school; it’s to be a better family
If you’re new to homeschooling or in the elementary years and looking for support — you’re in the right place.
And alongside this blog, I host the podcast It’s a Beautiful Day to Homeschool, where we go even deeper into the real-life side of homeschooling.
For more information on starting homeschooling, please check out “The Beautiful Beginning” A Starter Guide for New Homeschool Moms. Available on amazon as a kindle ebook and physical copy or buy off my website for your digital download.
Some of the links below are affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.
